A Different Kind of Independence Day

I’ve always hated posts like this. They seem overly dramatic and usually unnecessary, which is why I’ve avoided writing this for months, despite the fact that it does seem necessary.

If you haven’t noticed, I pretty much ghosted the blog in May. It’s not for lack of trying. I’ve had a post with three mini reviews drafted, so close to being done for almost a month. I just never quite reached the point of hitting send.

I joke about not having a life and non-stop work, but more often than not I just feel incredibly productive and can’t believe how much I’ve learned in the last year.

stress ate my way through passing research design, which is the hardest class in my coursework.

I’ve been poster-making and conference-going/planning (coming to you in October, Portland!)

I’ve been doing real science! Like excitedly learning multiple statistical packages science. And finally moved onto the draft stage of this amazing manuscript.

I’m taking a class, squeezing in a policy internship with a fantastic organization, and continuing work with my graduate assistantship this summer.

I’m 90% sure I have a dissertation path laid out, looking at a measurement of teacher attributions (what do they see as the cause) for student behavior.

I haven’t been reading. I desperately want to be reading.

But this blog hangs over my head and, honestly, makes me sad. It feels like something I’m neglecting and something I’ve failed. I know that’s an untrue, silly thought because a blog isn’t something to “achieve”, but the routine of reading and writing did feel like an achievement for a long time. I’ve mentioned before that I started this as a bit of an escape from an unhappy work situation; it was a great companion through that and several transitions. At this point I’m not sure I need that. In fact, knowing this space is blank is making it difficult to enjoy reading and that’s been pretty unbearable.

So, where to? I can’t possibly delete this, nor can I let go of the option to return. But I need to put things on hold. Until then, please don’t leave me talking to myself on Twitter. And Instagram. Even Snapchat (I’m old, I don’t know how to link that…)

  • If you mean Portland as in Oregon then you had BETTER give me some dates because I will be driving down from Seattle to see your beautiful face. And we will have book talk and booze.

    You’re not leaving for good- you’re hitting the pause button while you pursue other dreams. Other fabulous dreams. Books will always be here. (((hugs)))

  • I’m glad that you mentioned the possibility of coming back!

    Good luck on your professional and academic endeavors. I saw your on twitter that your @ has changed and feared the worst :)

    You should maybe consider, just in case, to open a blank twitter with your blog name. For in case you come back.

  • The dreams and goals you are pursuing now sound so fascinating! There’s no need to make long term decisions on the blog – you will know what to do with it when the time is right. I’m still following along on IG and can’t wait to hear more!

  • Amanda

    This is definitely not something to feel like you’ve failed! You’re doing big and super cool stuff! Enjoy your reading time when you have it!

  • I have so many feelings about his post. We started around the same time for similar reasons and now both focused and excited about new ventures. I don’t want to say goodbye either but just can’t find the space within myself to give the blog its due. I never wanted something I enjoyed (the blog and talking about books) to ever feel like work, so I too, have taken a pause from it. I’m not on social media much but do check in from time to time. I love seeing and hearing about your research and schooling and your pup and adventures. And of course your amazing taste in literature!! Big hugs and Mwah!! xo

  • Aw friend, I hate that this space makes you feel that you’ve failed and interferes with your reading! You are awesome no matter what you’re doing, and I bet your dissertation will be AMAZING and I hope that everything you’re reading is as great as you are. Which is all the great. <3

  • I get not wanting to feel guilty about the blog, but not wanting to give it up completely or delete it. I’m struggling to keep up with mine and while so far, I’ve decided to keep trying to make it more of a priority, I don’t think you’re failing if you’re deciding to let yourself off the hook on yours. It sounds like your life is full of amazing and wonderful new developments right now and there’s nothing wrong with making that a priority. I’m glad to hear that you’ll still be around on twitter though :)

  • I’m so happy to hear that this past year has held so many great things for you! It all sounds so rewarding and kickass – congrats on everything you’ve achieved so far!

    I’m struggling to find joy in blogging lately. It’s not that I don’t have time – I absolutely do. But I just have no motivation. But, like you – the concept of giving it up completely feels so weird. As in – who even am I without my blog!? I’ve done a lot of thinking about it over the past few weeks, and, for now, I think my approach will be this: I’ve brainstormed a list of 10 posts that I feel excited to write. I can use that as inspiration, but I don’t HAVE to write them, or stick to that list. I’m going to let myself blog as little or as much as I want (probably as little, for now) without a set cadence, and stop worrying if I only post once per month. I’ll see how that goes, and how it feels.

    Anyway, I’m happy we’re connected in so many other places, so we can stay in touch even when our blogs are dusty.